Lies, Lies, and Damned Lies (Barracuda)

July 2 - While on the "perfect patio" (not), Lisa remarks on the bribe that Mark Exler offered to Roslyn Neiman (by her own admission in a sworn deposition, she was bribed) to “push his house” on Lorri and Lisa, saying it was indicative of his character. Roz, in a panicked and defensive tone: “But I didn’t TAKE it!  (We're not so sure.)  Sandy, her lawyer husband, says “Oh, everybody does that.”  Really, Sandy?  Everybody is engaged in bribery?  Not where we come from.

After walking through the house and discovering more damage, Lorri and Lisa call Roz. Roz stammers that she had only gone into the basement. However, the tassel from the shoes she was wearing demonstrate that she was lying then, too -- the tassel from her shoe was found just outside the living room. 

Lorri and Lisa’s movers are scheduled to arrive on July 9. They are supposedly "permitted" to store their belongings in the home that they have been insuring and powering for 9 days. After Mark Exler arrives at the house with his latest unreasonable demands, Lorri and Lisa meet the movers at the end of the driveway and ask them to transport their things to a storage facility, unwilling to trust their belongings not to be harmed while still in a house legally owned by a nasty crazy person.

We discover that two of the kitchen cabinets were apparently sabotaged by removing 2 of 3 screws holding the brackets, causing 2 shelves to fall, nearly falling on Lisa's face.  Once again, the house puts us in danger, and it seems intentional.

We also find a bullet in the kitchen cupboards -- a message from Mark Exler?

And then, another message -- "Fuck U" scrawled inside a kitchen drawer.  Could these people be any more childish, or more brutal?

July 25, Lorri and Lisa visited Fox Chapel Borough Office, confirming that there was an addition undisclosed by the seller. 

July 30, after receiving the home inspection reports, Lisa, then Lorri phones Bill Aiken, co-owner of Howard Hanna. Bill offers no assistance, concluding their grievance is with the sellers alone. Lorri asks Bill to have Helen Hanna call. He says he will do so, though she is vacationing and would be way for the next week.  (She never calls.)

August 2 - Lorri asks for seller disclosures from sale of 211 Hunt Road to the Exlers (which was also handled by Howard Hanna agents) from Bill Aiken. Bill agrees to check storage and get back with Lorri, after first expressing doubt that Howard Hanna even handled the sale.  Guess what?  Bill never provides the documents. 

August 17 - upon advice of Howard Hanna's counsel, Roz sent Lorri and Lisa’s many questions to Mark Exler's attorney, Jonathan Kamin, via email with no response. At Lorri’s request, Roz promises to forward a copy of unanswered email for Lorri and Lisa’s records. Counsel further advises Roz that she has an ongoing fiduciary obligation to both buyers and sellers and is thereby supposedly prohibited form visiting 211 Hunt Road to observe the fraud that has been perpetrated on the buyers. Roz expresses powerless regret, and reassures us that she’s there for them personally and emotionally.  Yeah, sure.

August 29 - Lorri and Lisa have an appointment with Scott Brown for a full home inspection. This visit provided a platform for more revelations regarding Roz’s double-dealing. Scott tells us that Roz came out to 211 Hunt Road on the day of his stucco inspection and instructed him not to test all the windows, claiming that we didn’t want him “poking holes in the house” -- an outright lie, since we expressly told her that we DID want the substrate testing that required a few small holes in the siding. 

According to Scott, Roslyn Neiman also tried to get him to state that we didn’t actually need the costly sill pans to remediate moisture, for which Exler would be required to pay. Scott refused, since he couldn’t make that recommendation without first testing all the windows -- which of course Roz had instructed him not to do.  Unsurprisingly (nothing is surprising at this point), Roz told us none of this. Instead, she merely reported to Lorri that "Scott wondered why you hadn’t called him."  Scott reports he said no such thing. Any shred of hope we had clung to regarding Roz’s fealty or professional ethics is now dashed.

November 14 - as Russ is assessing the flooring situation, talks with Lorri about his personal experience with Roz and her reputation as a real estate agent. “If you ask anybody in the real estate business who the  most crooked real estate agent in the area is, they’d tell you Roz Neiman.” In his opinion, she behaves like a shark, always circling, looking for prey; then he said: "She's a barracuda. Every deal is about her and her money; she won’t let anything get between her and her money."  

This is of course diametrically opposed to Roz’s self-presentation. She repeatedly stated she didn’t care about the money, she wanted her clients to be happy, even saying she "wouldn’t let [us] buy Hunt Road if it wasn’t a 'good house'”.  Yeah, okay.  Sure, Roz.  You're a liar and we don't believe you anymore.  Sorry we ever did, but you play a good game when you have to, don't you? 

Remember that song by Heart called "Barracuda"?  Oh yeah, that's a good one... take a listen (click below).  "And if the real thing don't do the trick, you better make up something quick; you gonna burn it out to the wick, aren't you... Barracuda?"   Full lyrics after the jump.  They seem to fit Roslyn Neiman of Howard Hanna Real Estate to a tee.

BARRACUDA (by Heart) 

So this ain't the end, I saw you again today

Had to turn my heart away

You smiled like the Sun, kisses for everyone

And tales, it never fails!

You lying so low in the weeds

Bet you gonna ambush me 

You'd have me down, down, down to my knees

Wouldn't you, Barracuda?

Back over time when we were all trying for free

Met up with porpoise and me

No right no wrong you're selling a song, a name

Whisper game

If the real thing don't do the trick

You better make up something quick

You gonna burn it out to the wick

Aren't you, Barracuda?

"Sell me sell you" the porpoise said

Dive down deep to save my head

You, I think you got the blues too.

All that night and all the next

Swam without looking back

Made for the western pools, silly fools!

If the real thing don't do the trick, no

You better make up something quick

You gonna burn, burn, burn, burn it out to the wick

Ooh, Bara-Barracuda?

Glad she was taking such good care of us… (Not.) 

Thanks, Roz!!